Well it’s another day , and I’m down another pound. I know I should smash the scale but I JUST CAN’T It’s like I know I should east but I just can’t it’s like asking me to stop breathing. I’m so scared I have my weekly weigh in tommorow and If my BMI drops much morw I won’t be able to do outpaitent and according to the doctors I’m not sick enough for inpatient.
So that puts me in limbo
and of course this is the perfect time for my group to end.
3 weeks without Danielles place how am I going to stand it! Danielles place is my amazing support centre with all my great friends Sarah and Jen and Katie. I’m alone today and supposed to be doing some work but I think I’ll post and work on the blog for a bit.
Today is a Suicide Day. It’s just one of those days where the idea of just dying right here right now is at it’s most appealing. But I HAVE to be stronger than that. THERE is no other option!
Why do I exist anymore? Can’t someone see I’m no longer deserving of life and just end it! I wish I could trade my life for someone elses. You know there are kids dying of cancer or other people dying of their ED. I got an ED for NO REASON it just showed up one day nd took over my world. But their are all those girls who have been raped and abused or homeless or had awful things happen to them.
Me? I had the “perfect” family the “perfect” life HOW COULD I HAVE NOT BEEN CONTENT?
I got an email from Megan. She said she missed me. I wrote back a happy funny normal girl email back cause she does’nt know. It’s so hard keeping this charade up with other people now that my secret is out.
2 days till outpaitent evaluation.
